Bramble Gamers

Page Views

Hit Counter

Latest topics

» A Proper "Goodbye" (And some explaining)
Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:07 pm by brandon_g

» New link doesnt work :(
Sun Dec 14, 2014 5:34 pm by brandon_g

» New Forum!
Sat Feb 01, 2014 8:35 pm by Fluncher

» This site needs a makeover.
Mon Mar 18, 2013 12:07 am by FCSNAKE

» I'm here... again.
Wed Mar 06, 2013 6:59 am by xLight

» Crits... Crits Everywhere
Wed Jan 09, 2013 8:27 pm by FCSNAKE

» mnk;uhjihkih aaagaggagaga
Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:15 pm by FCSNAKE

» Official New SSB4 Character Discussion
Mon Sep 03, 2012 7:03 pm by Dan1592

» Pokemon black and white 2 coming to Japan soon
Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:14 am by FCSNAKE

» Hydro's Emerald Nuzlocke Journal
Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:57 pm by brandon_g

Twitter Feed

Affiliates





Top posters

Ulqi-chan (3875)
 
FCSNAKE (3495)
 
Applejack (3141)
 
Kotaru (3029)
 
Hero (2937)
 
Hydrocannon2727 (1790)
 
Bramblefang (1725)
 
Okami (949)
 
Fluncher (908)
 
Whitemoon (785)
 

    The Kidnapping

    Share

    Poll

    Is this a good story?

    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 1 ]
    17% [17%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 
    [ 1 ]
    17% [17%] 
    [ 4 ]
    66% [66%] 
    [ 0 ]
    0% [0%] 

    Total Votes: 6
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:06 pm

    AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The sound of a howling wolf woke Zoey from her slumber. She thought she was still at home in bed, until she sat up. She hit her head on a low, steel enforced ceiling. As she winced in pain, she studied the room. It kind of essembled a cell, but she realized she was in the trunk of a minivan.

    Zoey tried to move her hands and feet, but they were bounded together by a tightly tied rope. The rope looked as if it couldnt be untied

    The trunk, as what Zoey believed the back of the minivan was, was filled with untitled boxes, varying from small to medium sizes. There were only four boxes, since the trunk didn't have enough room. The trunk had velvet carpeting that had noticably not been vacuumed in ages.

    Zoey's hands were bounded by one rope, while her feet were tied by another. She was able to lie on her back and stretch her whole body from the trunk door to a wall that seperated the trunk from the front of the van.

    Zoey saw a small rectangular window on the trunk door. She scrambled to her feet, careful not to tip over. She looked out the window. The night sky lurched over a murky forest. A abnormally tall tree stood smack dab in the middle of the forest. A cliff that was twice as tall as the aforementioned tree stood right behind the forest. A lone wolf stood at the tip of the cliff, the moon's light illuminating its shadow so that many could see it as it howled its song of loneliness.

    A thought struck Zoey's head. How did I get in this trunk? Who brought me here? She gasped in horror. She had been kidnapped!

    She was reluctant not to scream, but what if the kidnapper was right outside of the minivan? What if he or she was in the minivan? All of Zoey's body shuddered, except for her hands and legs, since the ropes were preventing blood from circulating to them.

    Zoey tried her best to stand up, but with those ropes preventing blood from getting to her feet, she wouldn't be expected to stand up for a while.

    On instinct, Zoey pulled the ropes with all her might. After what seemed like hours, but was only a minute, Zoey gave up using her hands and instead used her teeth. She was well known for her squirrel teeth.

    Alas, Her teeth have failed her. She slumped down and put her back on the wall pararrel of the trunk door. She started to whistle like a chirping bird, which she was good at. When she got bored, she looked at her long skinny legs. Oh, how she wanted to run out in an open field again!

    Zoey was a tall, skinny, blond haired girl. Her pale skin looked vivid in the dark, terrible trunk. Her two upper front teeth had a strange resemblance to squirrel's teeth. Her deep purple irises gave off a sense of calmness, like an ocean does. Most people made fun of her teeth and eyes, calling her Squirrel, Bucky, Purple Freak, and other names.

    Her arms were useless in most scenarios, so she counted on her legs on many situations. Her legs weren't of any use today.

    Zoey pondered what her kidnapper would look like. Would he or she be a psychotic man or woman with a chainsaw, or a gentle person who had a good reason for kidnapping? Zoey pondered at this until another howl snapped her out of her daydream.

    She felt her heart beating out of fear. Blood circulated throughout her torso, arms, legs, feet- wait.....the ropes were tied by the ankles and wrists, but she had blood pumping in her feet? The rope must have been loose!

    Hastily, she scrambled her feet out of those retched ropes. She felt more blood getting to her feet, rejuvenating the life inside her feet, which has happened in only two minutes.

    She stood up, wobbly at first, but then steadily on her feet, she looked back outside the window. Still the same scenery, except the sun was rising. The wolf had apparently left, seeing as his shadow was no where.

    A thunp hit the window that Zoey was looking through, which caused her to whisped a shout in surprise. "[size='1']Ahh![/size]" She moved back from the window a bit. She gradually went back to the window. She saw the same wolf from last night, gazing at her purple colored irises.

    The wolf had silver colored fur. It was impossible to tell what breed it was. One part of it it stood out from the rest, however. The wolf's irises were the same color as Zoey's!

    The wolf raised one paw to the window, desperately wanting something in the trunk. Zoey thought that the wolf was wanting Zoey so it could eat her. Instead of the wolf having a hungry look on it's face, there was one look that she hadn't expected a wolf to have; a face of dismay and sorrow.

    Zoey felt compassion for the wolf. She wanted to welcome it inside the trunk, but how could she? There was still a rope tied to her wrists.

    The wolf clawed at the trunk door for five minutes, until it left. Zoey was hoping to have a friend. Being "Bucky", she never actually had friends!

    While she was thinking of this, a gruff voice said something. "Hello, runt!"

    Zoey was appauled at this voice. This man, obvoiusly a man, had sounded threatening. He most likely was, considering he would go to extremes of kidnapping a 12 year old!

    "Enjoy your last meal, twerp!" the gruff voice said as he opened a slot and put a dish with a hamburger inside it. Zoey had identified a few things. The hand was a tan colored beefy hand. The hand had a few scorched marks. She realized this could be her last meal unless she got out of here. She gulped.

    The man left soon after, and five minutes later, the wolf came back. Zoey felt comfortable with the wolf around. Maybe it could help her escape?

    "Err, hello?" She asked the wolf, feeling pretty stupid.

    "Hello!" the wolf barked.

    Zoey was surprised! This animal could speak english fluently. Zoey thought she was imagining it. She stared intently in the wolf's eyes. It's eyes told the truth. Zoey decided to ask another question.

    "Uhh.....Can you open this door?" She asked it.

    The wolf didnt answer. Instead, Zoey heard a slight creaking sound. The trunk door suddenly swung open, with the wolf jumping in the trunk. Zoey, expecting the door to stay open, but it closed as fast as it opened.

    "Why didn't you keep it open? Now we're stuck here forever!" Zoey angrily yelled at the wolf.

    "The kidnapper's out there!" The wolf warned.

    The wolf's voice seemed compelling, and Zoey knew it was telling the truth.

    "The kidnapper took you last night while you were asleep!" the wolf continued.

    Zoey's mind was to busy thinking about his speech problem before her mind registered the sentance. She suddenly found herself to be tired, feeling weary.

    "Hey...can...can you sleep with me?" She hesitantly asked. No one would see her sleeping with a wolf for protection, but she still felt a little embarressed.

    Without saying anything, the wolf cuddled next to Zoey and they both drifted off into a wondrous dream.

    ***

    It was still day by the time Zoey woke up. The wolf was apparently still asleep. Zoey scrambled to her feet, hands still bounded by the rope.

    She looked out the same window once more. She marveled at how nature can be either beautiful or ugly. This setting was definitely beautiful. Zoey would have looked at the forest all day, but she didn't want to stay for whatever this maniac has planned.

    She stared at the tall tree that was still in the middle of the forest. The tree gave her a warm feeling. All she could do was stare.

    Just stare.....

    Suddenly, she got an clear, but instant picture in her head. From what she deciphered, it was a scene showing an animal that had a vague ressemblance to the devil running from something. The animal had blood-red fur, and two large fangs from its mouth. Two curved horns grew on the monster's head. Its feet were exactly like wolf paws, and it stood on all fours.

    At first glance, Zoey thought this monster was a vampire/Devil mix, but then she saw the eyes. She gasped, because the eyes were a purple color.

    Like the wolf's eyes.

    Like hers...

    The scene continued, and it showed that the animal was running from a poacher. The picture faded from her mind as quickly as it faded in.

    Zoey wondered why those images were shown to her. Had she imagined it? Or did she really see it? She continued thinking about this until the wolf whining snapped her out of it.

    Apparently, the wolf had woken up. It stretched its body so far it took up most of the space, making it hard for Zoey to breathe. When the wolf sat back down, Zoey was still finding it hard to breathe.

    The air was growing thinner. Every gasp of air barely made it to her lungs. She looked at the Wolf.

    "Yes, the air is thinner," the wolf said, as if it read Zoey's thoughts.

    Zoey didn't answer. she couldn't. She was still thinking about those images she pictured. her mind registered the wolf's sentance. "We need to open the window!"

    Zoey had expected the wolf to panic. Instead, the wolf calmly said, "We cannot. If we do, the kidnapper will get us. If we don't, we'll suffocate. The end is inevidable."

    Zoey wasn't about to give up. "I don't care! If we open the door, we can make a run for it!"

    The wolf didn't say anything. It didn't have to. It just waited for the truth to hit Zoey like a speeding truck.

    Zoey slumped down and laid her back on one of the walls. Zoey started to think. Why did she trust this wolf so much? She didn't know anything about the wolf, so why was she so compelled to trust it?

    Zoey sighed. "Hey....why not tell me a little bit about yourself?"

    The wolf looked somewhat surprised. "Well, I have no definite gender, so you may refer to me as he, she, or it. My name is Ritsen. I learned English by tending to an L.A. girl who got lost in the woods." Ritsen stopped suddenly. He (or Zoey guessed Ritsen was a he) was unable to complete another sentence. The end was drawing near.

    Zoey watched as the sun set and the illuminating light surroundd the forest once more. It was a shame this was most likely her last time to see it. She wasn't going to give up easily!

    She peered out the window. The kidnapper was leaving, however still in Zoey's view. Zoey turned to Ritsen. "Hey, can you bite these ropes off of my wrists?"

    Ritsen looked offended, probably because most humans thought wolves always had sharp incisors. This was true, but still. With a quick snap of his mouth, Ritsen bit the rope clean off, then spit it out.

    Zoey looked out the window once more. The kidnapper was going over to what appeared to be another minivan. Zoey must not have noticed it because she always looked at the forest, and nothing else.

    The kidnapper drove off, which gave Zoey a chance to escape. Zoey pulled a latch that opens the trunk door. Her lungs, starved from no air, gave out after two seconds of Zoey's depserate pulling. She had grown too weak. She looked in some of the boxes for some duct tape. After searching through the third box, she found a roll of duct tape. Perfect!

    She ripped a piece of the tape off and stuck it on the handle, which made it so even knocking the door with enough force would cause it to open. This is what Zoey had exactly in mind.

    She ran to the back of the truck, bending over a bit since she couldn't stand up in the cramped trunk. She ran for only two feet. She tried to bust the door down with her shoulder, but ended up falling on her face, door still closed.

    At that moment, another image came to Zoey's mind. A picture of her, with her left eye blodied, was sitting right in front of a tree. She was on her knees, trembling, as a shadow lurked over her. Her clothes were muddied up. She had one hand on her bloddied eye, which blood seeped through.

    The image showed her screaming in terror. An item fell on her head so fast, the image dissolved because of it.

    Zoey gasped in fright. What was with these....vision? She couldn't fathom how she had something like this, as she had first experienced them yesterday. She shook her head and then got up.

    "Ritsen, can you op-open t-th-this d-door?" Zoey stuttered, having a scare supply of air now.

    Ritsen pushed on the door with all his might. His eyes shot out of his head. His eyebrows seemed like they were going to explode! At last, the door gave away.

    Zoey bolted out, smelling the sweet freedom and oxygen. She felt her lungs feeling much better. Zoey looked behind her. Ritsen was emerging out of the trunk. He closed it with his head to make it look like they never left.

    She recalled the phrase 'Run for Your Life', and that made her chuckle, seeing how that phrase was happening to her.

    Zoey ran over to the forest, with Ritsen running right behind. At an instant, something held onto Zoey's collar. It jerked her backwards. She was terrified because she thought she was being kidnapped again. She was thrown vertically in the air, landing on a patch of fur.

    The 'patch of fur' was none other than Ritsen. Zoey never realized it, but Ritsen was almost double her size, making it easy for Zoey to ride on him. Ritsen jumped high in the air, looking like a majestic race horse.

    Zoey had a confident look on her face. She knew one thing; To run from this wretched wasteland. To never come back here. To go home.

    With that thought Ritsen and Zoey rode along to the forest, in search of Zoey's home.

    ***

    They entered the forest. Even from the inside, Zoey could still see the tallest tree exactly how it looked in the trunk.

    Ritsen was running with the wind battering at his face. His fur managed to get tangled with the wind. Ritsen had to swerve constantly to prevent hitting trees.

    The ride wasn’t comfortable for Zoey, as she wasmoving to the left and to the right the whole time. Ritsen jumped over a tree stump, which made Zoey fall of his back.

    Zoey rolled down a somewhat steep hill. As she landed on a patch of grass, extreme pain bursted through her body. She tried to get up, but her hands and feet wouldn’t allow it.

    At that moment, another image came to her head. It showed the same demon animal from her first vision still running. The demon stopped abruptly. It turned around and saw what was chasing it.

    The poacher, for that’s the person who was chasing the demon, was wearing casual clothing, just some blue jeans and a T-shirt that said "Got Fish?". The poacher’s hair was dark brown, almost black. Half of his face was scorched. On his hands were blue knuckleless gloves. His irises were red with fury. Wait, no, his irises actually were red. A scarlet red, to be exact.

    The poacher held a sharp, curved scythe behind his back. The demon’s fur pricked up, and it ran off into a forest before the poacher could bring out the scythe. The demon fled to a forest with a very tall tree in the middle.

    The vision stopped, giving Zoey enough time to gasp. She was in the same forest….

    She shook her head, trying to get the images out. One image would not go. The scythe seemed to be the same object from her second vision. She gulped as she climbed back up the hill.

    Ritsen was waiting for Zoey to come up the hill. Ritsen caught a glimpse of Zoey’s head and he went next to her, checking to see if she was fine.

    "Are you alright?" questioned Ritsen.

    "Yeah," Zoey answered. Zoey was terrified. What if these visions would happen? Or have they already happened? Ok, it’s nothing. It’s fine.

    She put her hand on her left eye. Her eye had a type of liquid on it. Retreating her hand, she realized it was blood.

    She gasped it horror. WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!?

    Ritsen noticed Zoey’s eye, and then her facial expressions. From denial to anger. Ritsen realized he was going through the five stages. Next is bargaining, if Ritsen remembered right.

    As Ritsen predicted, Zoey was thinking about bargaining. Please, please don’t let me go like this! I’ll always be alert when falling off a hill!

    "And here comes depression," Ritsen foresaw.

    Zoey was clueless at what Ritsen was talking about. She didn’t think about this too long, for she was overcome by great sorrow. Oh, what’s the use! I’ll never get home with this injury!

    "And finally Acceptance!" Ritsen exclaimed.

    Zoey couldn’t fathom how Ritsen knew her emotions, but then she thought, I’m ok with this now……weird….

    Zoey stared at Ritsen. "Are you some kind of mind reader?" she asked.

    "No, I just looked at your facial expressions. You went through the five stages, and hastily too!" He explained.

    Zoey gazed at the night sky, which illuminated several paths for the two to follow. She found herself being hypnotized by the beautiful awe this moon gave off.

    She snapped herself out of it. The moon reminded her of something she so wanted: Acceptance!

    All her life, no one has accepted her for her teeth or eyes. Yet people stared in a trance-like state at a huge rock in space! If people stare in awe at a freaking rock, then why don't they accept Zoey for who she is?

    Ritsen whistled, snapping Zoey out of her thoughts. She climbed on Ritsen, and he bolted away, farther and farther from the kidnapper's house and the somewhat steep hill.

    Zoey wanted to look back, but at the same time, she couldn't! Some type of force was preventing her from looking back, making her curiousity grow.

    Zoey gave up looking behind her. She didn't think it was that important.

    That was one big mistake.

    ***

    As Ritsen grew weary, so did Zoey. Even though it's been an hour, the sparkling moon forced people to feel tired.

    Zoey's spine had a sharp cold feeling come down. She recalled the superstition where if someone steps on your future grave, your spine tingles. Part of her believed that, but another part of her didn't think it was too rational that at an exact moment in the future, it would happen at a random time in the present. Or maybe it was exact in the present? She wouldn't know at all, because by then, she would be in her eternal grave.

    Zoey thought of why Ritsen was helping her out so much. Ritsen could have just continued with his life, leaving her to rot. Well, then why did he help? Zoey had to know.

    "Ritsen," She said, "Why did you help me? You could have just left me there."

    "Well, remember when i told you about that girl who got lost?" He asked. "Well, you remind me of said girl."

    Zoey was somewhat confused. No girl could ever be the same as her. Or could they? Zoey decided to ask another question. "Can you tell me the story about it? First, stop near a tree."

    Ritsen obeyed as he stopped and sat next to a tree. Zoey sat down soon afterwards. The tree had a dark brown stump with a variety of colors on the leaves. Zoey never payed attention to the seasons, but because of the color of the leaves, she deducted it was autumn.

    "Well, it was a night where the moon was full. The moon seemed to illuminate everything as if it were day, rare in this forest, and has never happened anywhere else. I was in my home, trying to sleep. It's hard to sleep when everything looks like day, you know. My home was a small bush, nothing special. Think of the home of a family who can only buy one loaf of bread a week. That's basiclly the same as my home. Anyway, then, a small girl, about two or three years younger than you, stumbled right next to me. Her forehead was bleeding, and her face was strucken with fear. She started cuddling to me, for protection. She soon fell asleep, right in my soft fur. After a short while, i fell asleep. When i woke up, she was gone. To this day, i never knew what she was mortified of, or where she went. You remind me of her, so that's why i wanted to help. Even though i wount be able to help that girl again, the least i can do is help someone else in dire need." Ritsen replied.

    Zoey was reeling all of this in her mind. So Ritsen only helped because she bore a similar ressemblance to the aforementioned girl? Had Zoey misjudged Ritsen? Ritsen seemed like he would have just left her there if she wasnt like the other girl. Zoey felt disheartened.

    She didn't say another word to Ritsen. Instead, she laid on the cold, hard ground as she tried to sleep through the night. It wasn't an easy feat sleeping on the soil, but after counting three hundred thirty seven sheep and repeatingly turning from side to side, she finally fell asleep.

    Ritsen glanced at Zoey. Why didn't she answer him? Ritsen just shrugged and fell asleep, with his soft fur acting as a pillow.

    Zoey awoke one hour later, seeing Ritsen asleep. She started to yawn, but something clamped her mouth. For a second, she thought it was the kidnapper, and she almost voided her bowels out of fear.

    She couldn't turn her head, so she peered behind her with her purple irises. A short, blond haired girl was behind her. The girl had purple colored eyes like Zoey's, but the girl's were a deeper shade. The girl had an intimidating look on her face as she drew a weapon from her fanny pack. (Yes, a fanny pack)

    Zoey had enough courage and stupidity to speak. "W-what are you doing?"

    The girl rolled her eyes. Or, at least, that's what Zoey thought the girl did. Zoey couldn't see half of the girl's face, so it was hard to tell.

    "Keeping you away from Risten. Didn't you notice me coming behind you while you were riding him?"

    Zoey gulped. She realized her curiousity should have been let out then. Something was keeping her from looking, however, but what?

    "W-why d-do you wa-want to k-keep me a-away from R-Ritsen?" Zoey asked, stuttering in fear.

    The girl rolled her eyes once more, giving Zoey a look that said 'Are you serious? By now, you STILL don't know?'

    "Duh, cause he's gonna hurt you!" She said.

    Zoey stood there, still as a statue, frozen stiff by fear and confusion. Her body tingled. Not like a chill down her spine. No, it was a warm, tingly feeling. It's as if a presense was nearby, and Zoey could sense it.

    Then again, it might not be a 'what if'.

    Shaking this feeling from herself, Zoey slowly turned around. Zoey could now see the girl fully.

    The girl had long blond hair that reached her ankles. It was much longer than Zoey's, since Zoey's only reached the middle of her spine. The girl wore blue jeans that reached her ankles, like her hair. Her face look weary, like she might pass out, but at the same time, she looked rather intimidating. Basiclly as intimidating as the Empire State Building when up against a flea. The girl's fanny pack seemed full, sinced it bulged out with outlines of items. In one hand, the girl had a small but sharp knife clutched in it. The girl's eyes were purple, like Zoey's. Zoey grew irritated that everyone she have seen since being kidnapped had purple eyes. However, on closer examinaton, the girl's eyes were a deeper shade.

    Zoey then had more stupidity to ask another question. "Why is Ritsen going to hurt me?" she spoke firmly, but on the inside, she felt like running around like a maniac, screaming for help.

    Instead of speaking in a witty comment, the girl said "Ritsen is a premonition seer. He can see in the future."

    Before the girl could say another word, Zoey's throat became dry in an instant. She knew what the girl would say next.

    Only two more words almost gave Zoey a heart attack. "Like you."

    ***

    "You see, very few animals and people possess purple colored eyes, and even fewer have the power. The power to see in the future." the girl continued.

    "Wait, how do you know know i have premonitions?" Zoey questioned.

    "Puh-lease! Everyone I've met that has purple colored irises can peer into the future. You might think i see into the future as well, right?"

    Zoey didn't speak. The silence allowed the girl to continue talking. "Well no, I cannot. My eye color is slightly darker, so while i cannot see the future, i do possess another power. I can change my appearence to anything I so choose."

    Zoey felt unconvinced. However, in the back of her mind, she knew this was all true. "Like you'd expect me to believe eye color determines my powers? AND you expect me to believe you came, how should I say, morph?"

    The girl glared at Zoey. "Your eye color doesn't determine your powers. Your powers determine your eye color. And I'll prove it to you."

    To Zoey's amazement, the girl started to shrink. Her hair started to dissappear, but orange fur sprouted on her body. Her arms and legs began to even in size. As her ears grew in a triangular shape, her nose grew whiskers. The girl had transformed into a cat. Zoey was speechless, so the girl reverted back to a human.

    Zoey had a questionable look on her face. "Umm, so getting back on the topic, why does Ritsen want to hurt me?"

    "Oh right! Well, you see, Ritsen, while he was taking care of me, he saw a vision. A vision of him harming a girl with an eye color like his. A girl with blond hair, that reached her spine. Remind you of anyone?"

    Zoey gulped. Let's see, who was a girl with blond hair that reached her spine and had ocean blue eyes? she thought sarcasticlly. She knew it was herself. (Who else?)

    "Just to be clear, he doesn't want to hurt you, but that's your fate. Oh, by the way, I'm Kiara. It's pronounced KEE-ar-UH."

    This time, Zoey rolled her eyes. Zoey knew how to pronounce that name. Kiara was speaking as if Zoey was an idiot. Zoey glanced around, careful not to make eye conact with Kiara, worrying about the worst case scenario.

    Worst case scenario would be that Kiara's eyes did something to Zoey that would kill her. Crazy, yes, but then again, Zoey had been kidnapped, has found out she sees visions from the future, and meets this psychotic girl. At this point, Zoey would sooner believe Dracula would cough up a kitten than believe that everything would be normal after this night.

    As Zoey glanced around the forest, she spotted something that shone from underneath a bush. Thinking about what might happen if Zoey left her spot right in front of Kiara, the girl in front of her with a knife in her hands, Zoey stood still in her spot.

    Zoey pondered on something. "Hey...do you know who kidnapped me?"

    Kiara turned her head sharply so her eyes met Zoey's. Not only did the girl look intimidating, but her eyes did as well.

    "There is only one kidnapper I know of. He lives over there," she said as she pointed a direction away from the moon. The direction where the kidnapper's house was.

    "That guy was in a bomb explosion several years ago. His hands, face, and torso had been severely burned. He used to be loved by many, and was a very handsome man. However, after the explosion, he had become, well, ugly. All of his friends couldn't stand to even be near his totally unattractive face. He then started to exclude everyone out of his life, thinking they all hated him. After a year since the explosion, he had grown hatred for everyone. He just wanted beauty and friendship, but thinking that he had neither, he started to kidnap people just to fill the void. He wanted beauty, and his little sister, having the same power as you, foolishly told him of her power. The next day, the sister turned up dead. He then started to kidnap people with that power so he could see his future, knowing if he would be given beauty once again. He had no luck until his last kidnapping, where a girl that had the power had escaped and ran to the forest. Care to take a guess?" Kiara rambled on.

    Zoey thought of how sad that was. Her miseries of everyone calling her names were as tiny as a chihuahua compared to the kidnapper's mammoth misery! Another thought dawned over her. "How do you know so much about this guy?"

    Kiara had a forgetful look on her face for a split second, then finally said, " It was all over the news. Well, except for the sister revealing she had the power. I researched the rest of the story on the internet, and I found out she had purple eyes as well!"

    After hearing that, Zoey soon got distracted and sidestepped to the aforementioned bush with the shining item. She bent down, pushed the leaves away, and found something that made her gasp.

    If Kiara's weapon was a gun and not a knife, Kiara would have pulled the trigger out of surprise of the sudden gasp, with it pointed at Zoey. Fortunately, this was not the case. Kiara just stumbled with the knife out of surprise.

    "What's that?" Kiara asked.

    Zoey stared at the object that illuminated even more brightly than the vast light reflected by the moon. The object...it was beautiful! The magnificent light made Zoey's eyes not wanting to look away! Picking it up, she realized it was a...bracelet? Just a bracelet? Zoey didn't care if it was an ordinary bracelet, the glow on it was too beautiful to resist.

    Zoey put the bracelet in her pocket and turned to Kiara. "Just a bracelet. Now, I'm just going to go, so see you later" she said, trying to run away from all of this. She just wanted to go home!

    "No, you cannot leave alone." Kiara said coldly.

    "Ok, look! I'm sick and tired of this. I don't want to do this anymore. I am a human being, so I can leave if I want. The exit's close, I know it. So leave me alone." She snapped. She didn't want to do this any longer. She stormed off into the forest, leaving Kiara like stale bread.

    ***


    Last edited by Rainbow Dash on Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:36 am; edited 1 time in total



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    Jeff9978
    Administrator
    Administrator

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 556

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Jeff9978 on Mon Nov 21, 2011 3:53 pm

    This story...is atrocious


    I need to puke up my last 3 meals for the past week into the garbage disposal now, and this is after reading the first sentence.

    As you can imagine I won't be reading any further to avoid even more pain.
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:16 pm

    This is kind of familiar, I think I've read it before somewhere...Is it by you or is it from a book? Maybe inspired by one.



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:35 pm

    I might have been inspired by one. Although I don't know any books about a girl who has the power to have premonitions and is kidnapped, still... (Arctica thought of the wolf thing.)



    I can assure you I made this in my own words, and I'm still thinking of what will happen next. ^.^



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    Ulqi-chan
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : Off to the land of inactivity.
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3875

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Ulqi-chan on Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:09 pm

    ^ Mind you, I believe I was hyped up on candy at the time...
    Not that it matters, but still. :3



    no
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Mon Nov 21, 2011 9:21 pm

    Well I dont know but I have read something familiar before.



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Hydrocannon2727
    Paratroopa
    Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 1790

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Hydrocannon2727 on Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:51 pm

    I just read the first paragraph, and it makes no sense.





    "Hey Ed, I heard you brought a cute, blonde girl in here to service you."
    ~Maes Hughes

    "No, she's just my mechanic, that's all!"
    ~Edward Elric, in response to the above statement
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:56 pm

    Some parts are confusing.



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Wed Nov 23, 2011 4:46 pm

    hmm? how? I made this about a month or two ago, and i wante to post it here. How is it confusing?



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Wed Nov 23, 2011 5:24 pm

    The way some are written.



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Okami
    Para-Goomba
    Para-Goomba

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : Meh
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 949

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Okami on Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:21 pm

    I tried reading it, but I had to stop, my eyes are burning!
    avatar
    Ulqi-chan
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : Off to the land of inactivity.
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3875

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Ulqi-chan on Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:29 pm

    Umm, and now I'll switch to my critizing mode...

    • A lot of Grammar mess-ups. Try proofreading it or copying and pasting it into a word correcter.

    • May I suggest slicing them into smaller paragraphs so people can better read/enjoy them?

    • Also noticed random BBC codes... And a change in text format. Explanation? Neutral

    • And some capitalization errors. A few "I"'s here and there along with various others that should be capitalized.





    no
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Wed Nov 23, 2011 9:31 pm

    I type this on a wordpad document (Since it's painstaking to see that whenever I try and post it, my internet always fails, and so i'd have to write it again. Easier, isn't it?) and my wordpad likes to smush the words together. I don't know why.


    Last edited by FCSNAKE on Thu Nov 24, 2011 3:44 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Many errors.)



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    Hydrocannon2727
    Paratroopa
    Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 1790

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Hydrocannon2727 on Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:28 pm

    Rainbow Dash wrote:hmm? how? I made this about a month or two ago, and i wante to post it here. How is it confusing?

    That doesn't really defend it but, first she's in a prison, or at least thinks she is, yet she is then in a van, just out of the blue. A little mind blowing if you ask me.
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Thu Nov 24, 2011 3:42 pm

    Haha yeah, so she's in a cell but then it turns into the back of a van, she tought it was a cell but it wasn't, it's a van! Im not sure how you can confuse both since wouldn't a van be moving they wouldn't just leave her there...



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Thu Nov 24, 2011 4:08 pm

    ^ Yes. It was night when she woke up, so she couldn't see it very well. She THOUGHT it was a cell, but she found out it was just a back of a minivan.



    Should I word it a bit better?



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Thu Nov 24, 2011 4:48 pm

    If you want, but you are still going to be critized by some people even for the smaleest mistake, if you know what I mean...



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Applejack
    Rainbow Dash
    Rainbow Dash

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : ~Heal what has been hurt, change the Fate's design~
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3141

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Applejack on Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:03 pm

    I know. Why would you think I'd even put this on here? I like critisism, because it can fix my flaws and make me into a better writer. ^v^



    It was the first new day of the century
    In one hundred years
    When I felt like I should cry
    I laughed away my tears



    ʇı ɥʇıʍ dɹǝp


    All in all, I'd rather have detention
    All in all, I'd rather eat a toad
    The old man drives like such a klutz
    That I'm about to hurl my guts
    Directly upon the open road
    avatar
    Ulqi-chan
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : Off to the land of inactivity.
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3875

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Ulqi-chan on Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:52 pm

    And, on another note...


    Meep, it's best to reread it more than once. I caught a crapload of mistakes in one of my fanfics on the third time, so. *shrug*




    no
    avatar
    Hydrocannon2727
    Paratroopa
    Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 1790

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Hydrocannon2727 on Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:27 am

    Rainbow Dash wrote:^ Yes. It was night when she woke up, so she couldn't see it very well. She THOUGHT it was a cell, but she found out it was just a back of a minivan.



    Should I word it a bit better?
    Lol, yeah, that would make it less confusing.
    avatar
    Whitemoon
    Blue Paratroopa
    Blue Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 785

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Whitemoon on Fri Nov 25, 2011 9:30 pm

    I agree with Danny, it needs alot of work.
    avatar
    FCSNAKE
    Mouser
    Mouser

    <b>Custom Title</b> Custom Title : A raging fire becomes a dying ember!
    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 3495

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by FCSNAKE on Sat Nov 26, 2011 12:22 am

    lol finally people voted, I tought I was going to be the only one who did.



    I are Have confusion!



    "I became a criminal because I did not want to become a victim"
    "I turned to a life of crime because i came from broken families"
    avatar
    Hydrocannon2727
    Paratroopa
    Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 1790

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Hydrocannon2727 on Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:46 am

    You can't dangle that muffins choice out in front of me, and expect me to pass it up.





    "Hey Ed, I heard you brought a cute, blonde girl in here to service you."
    ~Maes Hughes

    "No, she's just my mechanic, that's all!"
    ~Edward Elric, in response to the above statement
    avatar
    Whitemoon
    Blue Paratroopa
    Blue Paratroopa

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 785

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Whitemoon on Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:40 pm

    I was the 20%.
    avatar
    Jeff9978
    Administrator
    Administrator

    <b>Posts</b> Posts : 556

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Jeff9978 on Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:45 pm

    I voted for "Go rot in hell, you f*cking ***"

    Sponsored content

    Re: The Kidnapping

    Post by Sponsored content

      Similar topics

      -

      Current date/time is Mon Dec 11, 2017 5:54 pm